Give me a life update; how’s everything been so far?

I’ve just been focusing on just getting my mental health together. I started to work out again and just focus on mental health. That’s really the biggest thing. But yeah, I graduated law school since, you know, the show premiered. Unfortunately, I did not pass the bar, but I’ll be retaking it in February, and I still work at the same firm. And yeah, I’m just chilling. I’m excited for the holiday. I’m getting ready to go home and do some traveling.

What inspired you to join Love is Blind in the first place? And did you have any expectations going into the show? 

I decided to sign up for Love is Blind because I had been single for a few years. At that time, I was really happy with being single. My life was looking beautiful and great. I saw the little casting call, and I was like, ‘Oh my god, like something’s telling me to do this.’ I’ve always loved dating. I think it’s really fun. I’ve never hated dating apps necessarily or anything like that. And so I said, why not try something as crazy as, you know, Love is Blind? So I signed up for it, and then so on. I definitely felt in my gut and my soul that I was meant to be there and that I was meant to find my person. And even though I didn’t find my person necessarily for life, I found someone who taught me things and helped me grow in different ways.

You were dating two men in the pods. You had like two competing choices. What attracted you to Ramses over Bohdan? I know you mentioned that you were trying to stay away from military men. You were trying to break a pattern with that.

I really loved how calm Ramses was. He was very level-headed. I’m not that person. I’m very, you know, like I’m up and down. I’m all over the place at times. And I liked how he was just a very calming person. I loved the way he thought about the world. I thought he was very inquisitive and he articulated himself so well in the pods of just how he felt and about just basic life things, like homelessness and love and all that type of stuff. So I just really loved his mind and I loved his temperament.

Throughout the journey of you and Ramses living together, did you kind of ever have a tiny ounce of doubt that it may go another way than you expected it to? 

There’s only one time that I felt like, oh my gosh, this might not work. And that was definitely when he had told me about the phone call he had regarding his ex-wife. That was the first time where I was like, oh, this can hurt us somehow. I don’t know. And then the next day we had kind of a weird day where we just weren’t really like seeing eye to eye on just simple stuff. And then we broke up. So I think that was the first time. But I didn’t think I truly believed it was going to end. I kept asking because it’s a fast process. So you just want to keep making sure.

Viewers were also unknowingly dropped into the scene of Ramses calling it off. So where was that conversation kindled? 

The day before we broke up, I didn’t have class. So we were in the apartment all day and I don’t think we filmed that day. It was just him and I, and I felt that we weren’t like, we weren’t meshing. I was either talking too loud or he was annoyed about something, or I’d ask him a question and have to keep repeating things like,’ Hey, did you hear what I just asked you?’ And it was taking him forever to respond. It just felt like two, two people coming together and having a rough day. Not even a rough day, just a little bit of a difference. The next morning we went to bed and the night wasn’t great. I woke up the next morning, I had class. So I drove up to Baltimore and I just knew in my soul, like, I was just like, ah, something’s not right. And so I texted him and I was like, ‘Hey, I love you.’ He said, I love you too. But I just felt that there’s just something off. I just said, Hey, what’s going on? And he was like, I don’t know. I’m having some doubts about things. And then I left, I ended up leaving class and going down. That’s when the breakup happened. So I wasn’t expecting it. Like there was no doubt, question or conversation before that.

These kinds of things absolutely rock your world. You aren’t aware of things happening at that moment. What were you feeling at that moment? And were you cognizant about, you know, cameras being present? 

Oh God, during the breakup, I don’t think I recognized that the cameras were there. I was just honestly, like zoned in. Ramses and I are good about that throughout the entire experience. When it was just him and I, whenever we were together, we just ignored the cameras and it was just him and I. So I think during the breakup, I don’t think I could believe it. I was sitting there almost in shock. And I was like there’s no way we’re breaking up. There’s absolutely no way. Like we’re in love. But I was just devastated. It wasn’t like, I don’t want to get married tomorrow. It was like, it was still like, I love you. I still want to be with you. So I was like, oh, we can salvage this. Like, of course. Then finally, when it was almost midnight, it was like, ‘Oh no, we’re done.’

I’m sure you’re in a much better place now, but being on camera, going through those feelings, having those raw emotions, you represent millions of people who go through similar feelings though heartbreaks. How’d you feel about that? 

Yeah. I didn’t recognize, at the time of the breakup or even, even after I didn’t realize how many people would relate. And I just thought how I reacted to a breakup wasn’t necessarily always so normal because I’m sobbing. I’m so devastated, but that’s just how I reacted. That’s just what I felt. And so it really feels good.

During the breakup, he also mentioned that he didn’t want to hurt you. And this kind of started from him remembering his divorce with his ex-wife. Do you genuinely believe that? Or do you think that was like BS? 

I think he believed it. I don’t know. I always stand by; I think he was done with the experiment. I think he was overwhelmed by me and the experiment, the cameras and everything. I had a better time ignoring the cameras. So I think ultimately he got scared and realized I think we maybe weren’t compatible. I think it’s stuff we could have worked through to be honest, but I just think he was ready to be out. And so I don’t think it’s bullshit. I just think for him, he believed it. He believed that I’m going to hurt this girl in five years. Maybe because one of his insecurities is that he’s not good enough. And that’s something we discussed in the pods. So I think that came into play.

Your mom is an absolute warrior for her children. There was a lot of criticism about how she behaved on the show, but a lot of viewers also thought that she was kind of seeing through the bullshit. How do you feel about her opinions on your relationship and her firmness? 

I think her firmness is okay. I think that I rather have a parent who is a bit wary and a little bit more judgmental and nitpicky than I am because I’m not like that, I’m usually not that partner. I’m always like ‘I love you for all your flaws and all.’ So it’s nice to have my mom. Who’s like, let’s slow down. I have some experience with dealing with certain men. Now at times I do think like, of course, there’s some projection there and we all do that in our everyday life. And so, but I also appreciate it because sometimes I’d have those rose-colored glasses. There’s always a different approach. She doesn’t have to talk about his look. She doesn’t have to use violence, but I do like that she is not here for the bullshit and that she listens to what he’s saying. And it’s like, it sounds like you’re being selfish. It sounds like this like it’s good for her.

What was it like seeing Ramses at the reunion? Did you feel protected in your mother’s presence? 

I felt vulnerable in my mother’s presence. I knew she was there, and if I look at her, I’m going to cry because she was getting emotional, and she is not an emotional person like that. I don’t see my mom cry ever. So I felt very vulnerable, and seeing Ramses was jarring because we weren’t sitting next to each other. And this is the first time we’ve been in a space with our friends where we aren’t near each other. It just felt off. And I just watched the breakup. So I was still trying to process that ‘you don’t hate this guy anymore. You don’t hate him anymore. You guys have talked through this.’ So it was a lot. It was overwhelming to see him.

Did you ever watch the season back and analyze your behavior in a way? 

Yeah. I mean if you go on this experience, you need to watch it back and try to correct some things that you did. You need to work on yourself. I could see how at times, like in a conversation with Ramses where maybe I am talking about one thing, he’s talking about another and how, like, if I just stopped maybe to listen or tried harder to listen; I don’t know. But ultimately, this is who I am. I do love the person that I am. I wouldn’t have changed any of that, to be honest, I mean communication stuff you see and you’re like, ‘Hmm, like I should maybe try to listen a little bit more or like things like that.’ 

Everyone on the show has a very nuanced experience because everyone goes through a very different relationship journey. How did being on the show kind of impact how you see yourself as well as how you see relationships? 

Gosh, it’s mental gymnastics over here. I noticed things about myself that I hadn’t noticed previously. I noticed my ADHD a lot more. That was very stark for me. I noticed my quickness to be a people pleaser and to kind of compromise in ways that I wouldn’t now, and that I’m still working on because I still have people-pleasing tendencies. Those don’t just go away overnight, and I’m working on that in therapy but I see that a lot. A lot of us women were raised to think about other people and to try to be empathetic and understanding. Sometimes there are times where you just gotta be like, ‘No, you’re making me feel this way.’ Something else I noticed is that everyone loves it when I’m very appeasing and very nice and lovely and sweet. But the moment I stand up and I call somebody out or stand up for myself or stand up for another person, I’m not agreeable anymore. I’m not liked. So I’ve learned that and it’s been enlightening. 

People love making comments about things that they see online and about people that they don’t even know in person. How do you handle the public’s opinions or the online attention that you’re getting from the show? 

Look, it was hard the first couple of days seeing all the hate like that. Nobody needs to see that and I’ve hated seeing it for my other castmates, including Ramses, who’s gotten it bad the following weeks, but I just stay away from it at this point. I was engaging with it at first, but it’s not normal for us to see that negativity. It was so bad to see that and to see things that weren’t true. And for people to choose to misunderstand you. I’ve just honestly dealt with it by just talking to my friends and family and just them reminding me that I’m not this bully because you do question it. 

With the platform you’ve gained from the show, what can we expect to see from you now? 

I’m still figuring that out. I’m in the law field and that’s been my plan. I would love to still engage with people on my platform. So I think you’ll see me just talking to people, giving them real life updates, giving them advice on things, talking about medical stuff, ADHD and  I think I just want to keep it as much as, you know, what I believe in and be authentic to me.